The Hidden Complexity of “Good Advice” | Parashat Kedoshim

“In front of a blind man you should not put a stumbling block.” (Perek 19, posuk 14)

Rashi points out that this prohibition includes giving bad advice.

I read about a hesped given on a prominent Rosh Yeshiva, where the following anecdote was told. The hanhala of his yeshiva decided to expel a certain bochur from the yeshiva. But before they were able to notify him of their decision, this young man came to the Rosh Yeshiva and told him that he’s been contemplating, that perhaps for his continued growth it is time to transfer to a different yeshiva. The Rosh Yeshiva advised him not to transfer, but to stay where he is. Upon hearing about this exchange, his colleagues were utterly puzzled and dismayed. Here they are looking to get rid of this bochur, and the Rosh Yeshiva advises him to stay!

The Rosh Yeshiva explained: When he came to me to ask for advice, as to what yeshiva was better for his learning, I was compelled by halacha to give him good advice regarding the question that he was asking. For him it is beneficial to stay here. The fact that we are looking to expel him does not change that. We are obligated to obey what the Torah commands us.

This story was publicized to show the greatness of how this Rosh Yeshiva followed halacha even against his own advantage. I beg to differ as to what halacha dictates in this case. In this particular case, I believe, good advice would be to advise the bochur to leave the Yeshiva This way the boy would be spared the humiliation of being asked to leave. The advice that would benefit the bochur most would be to find another yeshiva. This way he need not ever find out their intention to expel him.

The fundamental question that we are contemplating: what constitutes good advice? Is it limited to the question that is being asked, or should one look at the broader picture and dispense advice that is good for him, taking everything into consideration.

As an example; someone may ask me whether or not to proceed with a certain shidduch. His question is: “ the girl is wonderful, but her father is penniless, should I proceed regardless” As the question is asked, since. I personally don’t think that poverty is a good reason to break the shidduch, I should advise him to continue.

However, I happen to know that the girl has issues with tznius, which in my opinion makes the shidduch unworthy. But that was not included in his question, should it be included in my response?

Let me complicate the query even more. Let’s say that I also feel that if I would reveal that issue to him, it would not deter him from continuing the shiduch. So now I have two options: either I answer his question regarding money and advise to continue the shidduch. Or do I look at the whole picture that this shidduch is not good for him and so good advice would be to deter him in any way possible, even if it means telling him “don’t marry a poor girl”.

I firmly believe the latter is what the torah had in mind when it prohibited us from giving bad advice.