"They Feel Everything:" How to Talk to Kids About the War

As the renewed fighting with Iran brings sirens, missile fire and uncertainty back into daily life, many children and teenagers in Israel are facing a fresh wave of fear and anxiety.

Experts at Schneider Children’s Medical Center published guidance for parents, stressing that children absorb far more than adults sometimes realize. They notice the tension at home, the increased screen time, the urgent conversations, the changes in routine and the preparations for possible escalation, even when no one speaks to them directly.

According to the experts, children who have previously experienced anxiety, or who were exposed closely to injury, death or property damage in earlier rounds of fighting, may show stronger stress reactions this time. Other children may respond with exhaustion, sadness, anger, helplessness or emotional withdrawal.

Danny Lotan, director of the psychological services at Schneider, said children’s reactions depend largely on how they experienced previous rounds of fighting and how the adults around them respond now.

“When a parent remains calm, conveys responsibility and control, even if he himself is alert and tense, most children will respond accordingly,” Lotan said.

The experts emphasize that parents should not rush to silence difficult feelings. Children and teenagers need space to say that they are tired, angry, scared or frustrated. Sentences like “I’ve had enough,” “It isn’t fair,” or “I don’t understand why this is happening” are natural reactions to an abnormal reality.

Rather than immediately trying to fix the feeling, parents should first listen. A child who feels that even negative emotions are allowed is more likely to feel safe and less alone.

The main task for parents is to create stability. That means keeping as much routine as possible, limiting exposure to news and alarming videos, making sure children know where the protected space is, and explaining instructions clearly and calmly.

Parents should also give children simple tools they can actually use: slow breathing, movement, drawing, helping with small tasks, preparing water or games for the protected room, and talking openly about what they feel.

The experts warn that children do not need endless details about threats and military developments. They need honest, age-appropriate explanations and the reassurance that the adults around them are paying attention and know what to do.

In a time of uncertainty, the most important message a parent can give is not that nothing frightening is happening. Children know better. The message is: we are together, we know the instructions, and you are not facing this alone.