The Scars of Captivity: Romi Gonen Shares Heartbreaking Post from Panama
Captivity survivor Romi Gonen shared a raw and emotional update from her trip to Panama, describing the persistent flashbacks and mental weight she still carries.
Romi Gonen, a survivor of Hamas captivity, has shared an intimate and painful look at her daily struggle with trauma, even while attempting to find peace on a vacation in Panama. In a moving social media post, Gonen described the disconnect between her beautiful surroundings and her internal reality. "I traveled far to get some quiet from the war, from moving houses, from the feeling of constant danger and anxiety," she wrote, but admitted that the distance does not always bring relief. "In the quiet, the shards begin to crack and the noise slowly enters. It’s a whole paradise out here, the most beautiful colors, but I am black inside."
Gonen detailed the terrifying reality of living with flashbacks and the mental toll of the war. She explained that there are moments where her brain tricks her into believing she is back in the hands of terrorists. "I didn't know it was possible to feel as if the eye sees reality, but every cell in your brain runs a completely different situation for you," she shared. "I never thought I would reach a state where I have to convince myself that I am in Panama and not in a certain house in Gaza."
The weight of her experiences sometimes becomes physically overwhelming. Romi described moments where the "weight on her shoulders" is so great that her legs simply collapse beneath her. Despite these harrowing moments, she emphasized that the trip has also provided her with moments of strength and a new support system. She described finding a "new family" during her travels that is dedicated to her happiness and helping her find a path toward healing.
In what she describes as a personal turning point, Gonen expressed a newfound desire to help herself and find options that put a smile back on her face. Whether it is choosing what to eat or where to walk, these small acts of autonomy are part of her journey to reclaim her life. She ended her post with a message of self-affirmation, reminding herself and her followers of her inner strength. "Somehow, in the end, I always find more strength to get up," she wrote, "it reminds me how strong I am, and how much I need to start telling myself that and truly believing it."