Women who cared for fallen soldiers speak for first time

Three years have passed since Simchas Torah, October 7, 2023. Three years in which it seemed we had heard almost everything: stories of heroism, battles, bereavement, reserve duty and families left behind. And then a single conversation arrives and reveals an entire world that exists right beside us, and most of us know almost nothing about it.

In a special panel on "HaDatiyot HaEleh" (Those Religious Women), hosted by Hadar and Ortal, we met four women who know intimately one of the most sensitive and hidden worlds of the war: the care and identification of fallen IDF soldiers.

'HaDatiyot HaEleh' panel on identification of October 7 casualties (Srugim studio)

Three years after October 7, amid everything we have already heard and seen, there is another story of the Jewish people worth knowing.

A story about people who work far from the spotlight, with reverence, strength and an overwhelming sense of mission.

Efrat, a lawyer, has been involved in caring for fallen female soldiers for years. For years, almost no one in her circle knew about it. And not by accident. For her, the silence is part of the mitzvah. The work is done for the sake of the deceased, with reverence and modesty, not for the sake of those doing it.

Hadas, a kallah teacher and fitness coach, entered the system when the war broke out, straight into a reality no one can truly prepare for. And while both are engaged in caring for fallen soldiers, their loved ones are on the battlefield: Hadas's husband, and Efrat's husband and children.

Both speak not only of the difficulty, but primarily of the sense of privilege, mission and awe that accompanies this work. They also ask to be careful about the temptation to decide for those who have done this work how they are supposed to feel.

On the other side are Adva Zeidman, an organizational and business consultant and resilience group facilitator, wife of Avishai Zeidman, a senior officer in the system; and Smarit Toviana, director of speech therapy services in child development for the Jerusalem district, head of the "Partnership in Mission" forum, and wife of Moshe, who serves in the unit alongside Avishai.

Adva and Smarit are living witnesses to what happens when the mission comes home. To hundreds of days of reserve duty, to what can be told and what cannot, to marriage, to children, to returning to routine and to the need to also protect the people who hold this difficult mission.

Smarit established the "Partnership in Mission" forum, and Adva later joined. The forum worked to advance recognition, resilience resources and support for system personnel and their families.

And within the conversation, one of the most complex issues also arises: not everyone who has done this work needs treatment, and it is not right to define them all in advance as traumatized. There are those who need help and there are those who report emerging actually strengthened. The response must exist for those who need it, without turning the mission itself into a diagnosis.

At the end of the panel we were left for a moment without words. Not because there was nothing to say, but because it became clear how little we truly know about this world. "A stranger will not understand it," perhaps.

But this conversation opens a door for a moment. A glimpse into a hidden, difficult, holy and awe-inspiring world. A world of people who quietly do things that are almost impossible to explain, and of the families who live beside them and carry the mission with them.