Living in Two Worlds: A Daughter's Dialogue Across Generations

I am Beverly (Blumah) Miriam Debra Chazan, 2nd Generation to 2 Holocaust survivors William and Rose Chazan, who emigrated to America in 1948 after meeting in Eshvege Displaced Persons Camp in Germany and marrying there.

I made Aliyah with my 4-year-old daughter Michelle, 2-year-old son William and their father in 1986 and subsequently had a sabra Yair Amichai .My grandchildren Shachar, Leah, Aline, Uri, Eli, Micah and Liam are 5th generation survivors.

I recently took part in a writing workshop for second generation Holocaust survivors to help us tell our parents’ stories at Zickharon B’Salon gatherings. We received two assignments I would like to share with you. Although they do not explicitly tell my parents’ stories, they do present the atmosphere of post trauma my parents experienced and we grew up.

The first assignment was to write a letter from our Holocaust survivor parents to me which I am now reading in March 2025. The second was for me to write a letter to them now in April 2025. Both my parents were survivors with different experiences and traumas so I wrote letters to and from each of them.

From Raizel Pelc- Rose Chazan to Beverly March 2025

Dear Bev,

I am very happy that you are reading my letter at this seminar. It is very important that you tell the story of my life before after and during the Holocaust. Now after you are a grandmother to these wonderful grandchildren, (Shachar, Leah, Aline, Uri, Eli, Micah and Liam) and Shachar and Leah are Bar/Bat Mitzvah and Micah is living in America it is even more important. It is your responsibility to tell the world-starting with those closest how what the people -both organized groups and individuals in Poland did that so destroyed OUR personal lives and left such an imprint on the way I was not able to attach to you and to give life after all the death I saw. I am glad you are able to see me as a survivor and have empathy and compassion for me and the suffering and all the emotions that filled my mind, heart and my soul and not judge me. I reached out to you in the only way I knew how so full of fear yet also love for you-I was afraid to lose you. But I did. You left and chose your people and your country over me- you connected to our suffering and for that I thank you. I did love you in the only way I could living in the perpetual Shoah that cracked my soul. Don’t forget despite it all we did continue living.

From Velvke -William Chazan to Beverly March 2025

Dear Blumah (Beverly),

You carry the name of my mother. Your soul carries the souls of all of the Jews who perished, you are telling my story to the world and I remind you not to forget to tell of the eternal torture and purgatory the Shoah left me living in. As you know Mommy lived in her little world trying not to go to Izbica in her thoughts and dreams and banished it from her heart while I did not do that with Varniany, its people who were killed or shetl life all taken away. My soul lived in and longed for Varniany. But also, don’t forget that I fought those Nazis who took away my all. I continued fighting my whole life. I loved Israel and am glad you do too. Please tell my great grandchildren (Shachar, Leah, Aline, Uri, Eli, Micah and Liam) so they know how our souls were killed- how we could never feel safe and lived in the illusion of the promise that living in America would heal us and take away the longing for life before the Holocaust. I could not be your American dad. But I loved you and was not able to really live in the reality I created in Bayside but I did my best. I was violent but in the Shoah I had to be. Thank you for telling my story and making my life worth something after the death sentences. Don’t forget Varniany-don’t forget our suffering and our resilience and our hope to always choose life-despite death’s staring us in the face.

I had to die because all the pain, guilt and unanswered longing ate me up inside.

I am sorry I did not tell you about my father’s family. I loved you anyway I could.

My letters back to my parents April 2025

Dear Mom,

I am writing to say that I am trying to live a life in the way you taught me-prepare for the worst-hope for the best- I see you always- that young girl- living a secret-all the untold stories you passed on to me without words as a child- you had a life before the Shoah and with your death I hope an after life after it. I have never known a life in which I have not lived in the shadow of your trauma- or in the process of solving problems trying to survive between worlds in a reality neither of us knew. I know with the years came the torment of slipping back into and reliving those Holocaust years and the eternal suffering that caused you. I remember my promise to you to tell your story and that of our people. I thank you for preparing me with all the tools I might need to survive. Another thing you taught me was it is what it is. These two things help me. Thank you being my mother- I tried to be good so you wouldn’t worry. This week here in our homeland we celebrated Shachar’s Bar Mitzvah and Leah’s Bat Mitzvah at which I wore the dress you gave me before you died. I see you before me as a 12 year old girl hiding- or in the Izbica ghetto- I was filled with joy that she is here and a free Jewess in our own land not having the responsibility to save the family with secrets or experience or witness the things you did at her age.

I love you,

Bev

Dear Dad,

Shachar had his Bar Mitzvah and Leah her Bat Mitzvah here in Israel. I felt your pride. I saw a movie recently which helped me understand the world you lived in after the war. Full of memories and loss, and maybe guilt for decisions you had made and how hard it was to save yourself. You should know that while you were very aggressive outside, that movie helped me understand that the undefined look in your eyes-such pain, anger and short temper-you were tormented. I always wish you had come here to Israel and had some healing by building a community rather than just a personal life-

I will try to tell your story- I will try to show your pain and loneliness and never-ending longing for the shetl and the life that once was.

I walk with you in the forest- I see you hiding in the woods- I am sorry you did not tell me about your family and where your father was from. I love you.