Perceptions of Masculinity in Wartime
The war brings not only logistical challenges but also emotional scars. “Even those not physically injured carry scars; it takes time,” says Dr. Gromet. Many single women ask themselves, “Is this post-trauma? Can I handle it? Do I have the tools to cope?”
These questions reflect the tension between the desire to build a home and the fear of entering a relationship with someone who has experienced trauma. Women no longer automatically assume the “caretaker” role but instead question, “Is this task within my capacity? Can I have a healthy relationship with this man?”
Perceptions of masculinity are also shifting. Dr. Gromet notes challenges for non-combat soldiers who feel inferior: “I’ve heard people in the army but not in combat roles speak about themselves apologetically: ‘I didn’t really do anything, I didn’t really fight,’” she says. “But we’re all fighting for the homeland… Masculinity isn’t just about being a combat soldier; everyone has a role.”
Resilience and Hope: Building Relationships Amid Destruction
In her work, Dr. Gromet also supports couples. “There’s a 7% increase in divorce rates right now, a significant number.” While she lacks data on weddings, she notes two opposing trends: some rush to marry for meaning, while others face difficulties and breakups.
“There are people saying, ‘Let’s go, we know what’s most important in life; we need to get married, it gives meaning.’ Young couples are marrying quickly,” she says, recalling with pain Sgt. Ishai Elyakim Urbach, z"l, killed at 20, three months after his wedding. “They were so young. Many say, ‘This is our purpose, we must marry; it’s our response, building against destruction.’ But others go the opposite way.”
Supporting Singles: A Conference for Caregivers
The “Love in Wartime” conference, held by the Eden Center on June 10, aims to address these challenges. Open to the public but primarily for rabbis, matchmakers, bridal counselors, relationship advisors, and therapists, it will equip those supporting singles.
The Eden Center, led by Dr. Gromet, is committed to strengthening relationships and family in the religious community. “Our goal is to strengthen relationships, empower women and couples around health and sexuality, and improve the mikveh experience and discourse, as we see it as fundamental to building a Jewish home,” she explains. The conference seeks to highlight struggles, give voice to singles, and build a bridge to hope and growth.
“As an organization, we often focus on educating those who educate others. We work with caregivers who come with new questions constantly emerging. We saw they need a space to raise issues, gain direction, and think: How can we support today? What are the emerging issues?”
Topics at the conference will include dealing with mobilization orders, war trauma, bereavement, instability, anxiety, and emotional overload. Experts in relationships, trauma, sexuality, psychology, and rabbis like Rabbi Ohad Taharlev and Dr. Danny Brom will lead lectures, panels, and roundtables to provide practical tools and support.
A Call for Support and Hope
In these challenging times, the community is called to embrace singles, listen to their struggles, and offer support. “We need to look forward, to build the capacity for strong new relationships, not just support and fix now, but also think about the next generation and our future,” Dr. Gromet emphasizes.
The “Love in Wartime” conference is an opportunity to come together, learn, strengthen, and grow. Join, listen, and support, because building a home in Israel, even in wartime, is our collective mission.
