Yom Kippur is a day for releasing heavy burdens. But how do we do teshuva for sins between man and G-d, and how do we approach sins between one person and another?
For transgressions between a person and their fellow, Yom Kippur does not atone until one appeases the person they wronged.
You can forgive someone who hurt you in a small way. But when someone caused you financial damage, humiliated you, or left you carrying a heavy burden, suddenly forgiveness feels impossible.
How can you shed that weight and be sealed on Yom Kippur for every salvation?
We won't cover every aspect of teshuva as is customary, but we'll highlight one crucial point that applies to both sins against G-d and sins against others: self-love.
Today it's trendy to talk about self-love and self-worth. So let's talk.
Love Your Neighbor, As Yourself?
Rebbe Nachman writes in Sichot HaRan (100) that every person must have faith in themselves, that they are beloved and important before Hashem. "I have loved you with an everlasting love", the Holy One loves us and wants us to love ourselves. The Torah teaches how to love your fellow: "Love your neighbor as yourself", love your neighbor the way you love yourself. The question is:
Do you actually love yourself?
When you love your neighbor as you love yourself, your neighbor will love you as you love him. In other words:
You receive from your neighbor the treatment you give yourself.
When you have compassion on yourself and do teshuva, your friend has compassion on you and forgives you. The rule is:
Your friend's treatment of you always reflects your treatment of yourself.
A person with self-worth sets boundaries with others and doesn't allow them to hurt him.
The holy Baal Shem Tov speaks about the reflection of one's shadow, which applies to relationships between people as well.
Rebbe Nachman teaches us to transform anger into compassion, and it works wonderfully.
Why Is It Hard to Forgive Someone Who Hurt Us?
Forgiving a friend means forgiving ourselves for allowing him to treat us in a way that wasn't respectful, or for letting him hurt us or cause any kind of damage. Therefore:
To forgive a friend, you must take responsibility for the situation.
Have compassion on yourself for not honoring yourself enough and ending up in this situation. Understand that you lacked the "tools" that caused you to act as you did. Now you need to:
Have compassion and forgive yourself, because you did the best you could.
When you don't forgive your friend, you're not willing to take responsibility for your part in the situation.
Don't forget that Hashem runs the world, and everything happens with precise Divine providence for a person's benefit. No one stubs their toe below unless it is decreed from Above:
Hashem has no partners, only messengers who carry out His will.
What happened had to happen.
One way or another, it was a lesson for us that came to teach us new "tools" that from now on we'll use.
It's known that for transgressions between one person and another, one must also ask forgiveness from Hashem.
Sounds complicated? No! Simply forgive! And Hashem will say to you: "I have forgiven according to your word."
Notice: according to your word.
If There Is Judgment Below, There Is No Judgment Above
For sins between man and G-d, Yom Kippur atones, but you must do a spiritual accounting, give yourself judgment and reckoning for your deeds, judge yourself, and thereby "save" yourself from judgment in the Heavenly court. There's a principle:
If there is judgment below, there is no judgment above! And the choice is yours.
If you regret and confess about the past, and decide to make a small change that you'll maintain even for a period, you're called:
A baal teshuva, and you merit a favorable judgment and a good year.
You Are the Judge, the Defendant, the Defense Attorney, and the Prosecutor
Choose to be the judge, the defendant, the defense attorney, and the prosecutor of yourself, and you'll certainly emerge acquitted in judgment.
When you judge yourself, not only does Hashem close your case file, but He also:
Transforms your sins and transgressions into merits! Worth it! How wise!
A small pinch in the heart with a small resolution opens an opening "like the eye of a needle" and proves your genuine desire to change:
It "silences" those who prosecute against you, and you merit a favorable judgment.
The change you decided to make is considered:
The outcome of the "judgment" in the trial you conducted for yourself, and it's like a "verdict" you issued for yourself.
The small change you accepted upon yourself shakes off the sins of the past and "casts" them away like in Tashlich. In this way you:
Save yourself from judgment in the Heavenly court.
Choose Change and Merit Judgment
Hashem judges a person "where he is now", from the place where today you feel regret and are called a baal teshuva. There's no connection to what you did until today. Therefore, tell yourself:
"It depends only on me", what will be decreed for me this year depends only on you.
Hashem loves you and wants to do good for you. Therefore, He gave an easy way to return to Him. Remember:
The further away a person is when they draw close, the more they sanctify Heaven's Name.
A small resolution earns you the title of baal teshuva:
And in the place where baalei teshuva stand, even complete tzaddikim cannot stand.
Awaken and ignite your soul, because His right hand is open to receive those who return.
Hashem is waiting for all of us, even you! Yes, yes, you!
The Barrier of Sins, A Barrier to Salvations
"For your sins separate between Me and you", sins cause a barrier between you and Hashem. If you lower the barrier of sins, you'll merit a favorable judgment.
There are two ways to lower the barrier of sins: either teshuva with a humble heart and in joy, or suffering that will cause you to lift your eyes and ask for help from our Father in Heaven, to draw close and return to Him.
After a person sins, a force of impurity is created from the transgression that prosecutes against the person and afflicts them in all kinds of ways. This is: "Your wickedness will chastise you" (Jeremiah 2:19). But if one does teshuva:
The sin is erased! And even transformed into merit!
The Sin Is Engraved in a Person's Bones
When a person sins, the sin clings to him like glue and is engraved in his bones, as it's written: "And their iniquities shall be upon their bones." In the next stage it takes revenge on him, as it's written:
"Your iniquities have turned away these things, and your sins have withheld good from you."
Every transgression a person commits, the letters of the name of that transgression are engraved in his bones. For example: a person spoke lashon hara; the combination of letters of the words "lashon hara" are engraved in the bones and take revenge through suffering or illness, as King David said:
"Have mercy on me, Hashem, for I am weak... for my bones are terrified" (Psalms 6:3).
Vidui, The Secret of Letter Combinations
The vidui that a person confesses destroys the evil combination built from the letters. The power of speech:
Makes an impression and acts in the upper worlds! It removes the sin from a person's bones.
Vidui and teshuva are gifts to a person, because from those same letters:
Hashem builds for the person a new and good combination that brings them a year of kindness and salvations.
The evil speech exits from a person's bones, and from it the vidui is made, which builds the holy Malchut, in the aspect of:
"All my bones shall say" (Likutei Moharan, Section 4).
For example: a person who caused pain to their friend and confesses:
The letter combination tz-a-r (pain) transforms for them into a-tz-r (stop)!
Hashem stops for the person all kinds of suffering or illness or bad things they have.
The holy Baal Shem Tov speaks extensively about the "secret of letter combinations," and it's worth delving into the subject.
Confessing Isn't Pleasant, But It's Better Than Suffering
"He who covers his transgressions will not prosper", there's no other way. It's worth it!
"But he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy", your sin will be atoned and you'll merit kindness and compassion that will bring salvations.
The Shechinah Comes to Help You
Sin damages the Shechinah, and nevertheless, when a person sins and damages the Shechinah:
The Shechinah comes to comfort him and spreads out her pain. Rebbe Nachman explains:
"For every flaw and flaw that he flawed in his soul, he flawed with her as well, so to speak... and she comforts him, that she will seek strategies to repair all the flaws" (Likutei Moharan, 259).
Vidui returns the Malchut to its root, because:
"The root of Malchut is fire... as it's written:
'Is not My word like fire,' and it's written: 'By Me kings reign'!"
The Shechinah and you return to Hashem the Malchut, and Hashem shines back upon you with joy and a radiant countenance:
The Thirteen Attributes of Mercy!
And you merit that Hashem:
In His great love, His compassion and great kindness, improves your judgment for the new year.
The Judge Reveals to You How to Win the Trial
You admit guilt, confess, and are not punished, and even receive a reward!
Who ever heard of a "judge" who reveals to the "defendant" how to defeat him?
Hashem's judgment is not like the judgment of flesh and blood!
"Man! Why Do You Sleep..."
Rise and receive a new year with new blessings and salvations.
May you be inscribed and sealed for good.
Good tidings speedily, amen!
