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When we dedicate ourselves to serving God, one question echoes in our hearts: Can I do more? Can I be more? As husbands, fathers, brothers, or friends, we often wonder if we could have pushed further, reached higher.

Consider the story of Rabbi Akiva, one of the greatest sages in Jewish history. Before his death, Rabbi Eliezer HaGadol, who had been excommunicated by his peers, spoke to his students, including Rabbi Akiva.

He foretold their fates, but to Akiva, he said, “Your end will be the harshest of all.” Why? Rabbi Akiva’s death was brutal: his skin was torn from his body and sold in the marketplace. Rashi explains: Akiva had the potential to learn more Torah from Rabbi Eliezer but didn’t. Though he was a towering figure, he was held accountable for the little more he could have become.

All our oral Torah, the wisdom of the Zohar, flows through Rabbi Akiva. Yet, because he could have achieved just a bit more, he faced divine accountability. This teaches us a profound truth: we are judged not only for our mistakes but for the potential we leave untapped.

We mourn Rabbi Akiva’s students, who died tragically, because their loss meant the world missed out on the more they could have brought. Similarly, we mourn Nadav and Avihu, the sons of Aaron, who died offering unauthorized fire to God. Their mistake? They tried to leap too high spiritually, beyond their capacity, without proper guidance. If they had consulted Moses or Aaron, they might have avoided their fate.

This raises one of Judaism’s hardest questions: Why do bad things happen to good people, and why do good things happen to the wicked? One answer lies in potential. Sometimes, a righteous person (tzaddik) faces hardship because they could do more. Conversely, a wicked person (rasha) might prosper because they’ve reached their limit. But how do we know if we can be more or if we’re pushing too far?

Nadav and Avihu’s error was acting without a mentor’s guidance. Rabbi Akiva, too, might have avoided his fate if he had asked Rabbi Eliezer for clarity. The lesson is clear: we can’t discern our potential alone. We need a rabbi, a coach, a mentor to guide us. Without them, we risk stretching ourselves too thin, chasing a version of ourselves we can’t sustain.

In Hebrew, the word for stress, metach, is linked to matuach, meaning stretching. Stress comes from pulling ourselves toward someone we’re not meant to be. The key is to strive for your best and no more. A mentor helps you find that balance, ensuring you grow without breaking.

So, ask yourself: Can I be more? Then turn to your rabbi or mentor. They’ll help you see your potential clearly, keeping you grounded as you reach higher. Strive to be your best, guided by wisdom, and you’ll become the person God knows you can be.