When parents should step in or let go

How do you set boundaries?

In the many areas that connect parents and children, every parent struggles at some point to decide when to draw a clear line for the child and decide on their behalf what's good for them, and when the one who has grown up, but will always be a child, is no longer a child and can decide alone. Here are a few useful rules that can help with the decision:

When the child reaches out for help and asks for the parent's involvement, you cannot refuse, and you certainly must not say the shocking pair of words "figure it out yourself" or "I don't have time for this right now." Parents are obligated to make time for their children always, and if they're turning to their parents for help, they probably can't manage without them, and you should be grateful for that moment.

If the child has gotten into trouble with a higher authority, a teacher, an adult, or in the worst case, the law, through no fault of their own and with clean hands (and can prove it), every parent must become a lion that sees no danger in its path and goes out to rescue Simba from Mufasa's schemes. (And anyone who doesn't understand the reference should fill in their general knowledge with Disney and watch The Lion King.)

In any case of even the slightest doubt that the children will struggle to manage on their own, especially in matters involving money, the rules of an educational institution, or significant judgment calls, turn on the emergency light of caring in the command center of the voice in your head, and spring into action without overthinking the consequences down the line.

When should you hand over authority?

There are cases where children must learn how to play the game of life in the real world and leave behind the "la la land" model of naive thinking that everything will work out easily and without a drop of responsibility. The problem is that most parents don't know when to hand over the reins to their children, thinking that if they don't intervene, they're "bad parents." Here are a few situations in which parents are advised to pass the ball into the children's court:

If young or older children are guilty of inappropriate, negligent or dangerous behavior, do not ignore it under any circumstances, and of course you must provide them with full emotional support, but you must make clear to them that they must accept the punishment, carry it out, and take full responsibility for their actions. A personal example from the parents on this matter wouldn't hurt either.

If children want or even demand something terrifyingly expensive that the parents cannot afford to buy right now, it's good to suggest they work if they're old enough and have the opportunity during a break from studies, during the summer vacation or semester break. And if they're still young, then they should save their allowance for a long period and not buy nonsense until they can purchase the product they dream about at night. In this case too, a personal example from the parents wouldn't hurt.

In any problem with studies, whether in the lower stages of the education system or in the early or advanced stages on the way to a degree, if the children throw up their hands in advance and get upset, don't help immediately and solve the problems for them to calm them down! Problems are plentiful not only in books but throughout life, and from a young age one must know how to deal with them with parental assistance, not by dumping the problem on them.

The bottom line: Parenthood is a job that never ends, and even when the fledglings have left the nest, they still need to know they have one address where they will always be welcome and someone will be there to help them when they tire in their flight.