Two weeks ago, parents of a nine-year-old boy sat in my office. We spoke, and I laid out their son's situation: his low achievements, and the reports I had received from subject teachers about his academic level. The picture was not bright, and they understood that something had to be done, something significant, far more than hiring a remedial teacher for two hours a week at the expense of an existing lesson, or an avreich to learn with the boy at night.
Naturally, they asked: "So what do you think?" and "What do we do?" I had been waiting for those questions, and for the immediate rejection I knew would follow when they heard my answer. I answered simply: "Assessment" without going into the types of assessments available. An assessment would show us the child's abilities, attention and concentration, perception in its various forms, strengths, weaknesses and more. It is unwise to advise without assessing the child.
I did not have to wait long for the all-too-common response to be thrown into the air: "We're opposed to assessment."
Yes, it was entirely predictable that they would say this, just as many fall and continue to fall into this trap. That is the prevailing wind today: refuse assessment. And why? Because there are those who believe that an assessment always leads, in the end, to the child taking medication. I do not know why, but this claim is on the lips of every second parent.
So let us set the record straight:
It never was and never will be!
This is concentrated foolishness!
This is fleeing from reality!
This is burying your head in the sand!
Helping a struggling child without assessing him is like a dentist treating a painful tooth without first taking at least one X-ray. The X-ray pinpoints the scope of the problem, and from it the treating doctor knows what, how and in what way to treat the pain optimally.
Helping a struggling child without assessing him is like a car whose electrical system fails from time to time, and you take it to the garage for repair without running a proper computer diagnostic that will pinpoint where and what needs fixing or replacement.
Yes to assessment.
The assessment is a tool that truly reflects all the child's components, and also provides a work plan for how, how much and when to work with the child in order to get the best out of him. The first to benefit from this is the assessed child himself. In the future he will struggle less, and suddenly will begin to achieve success.
The assessment is a kind of light for one walking in darkness.
The assessment is a kind of Waze for those walking in a dense forest looking for their way out.
This does not mean that for every difficulty that arises one must run to assessment. But when a sequence of events emerges that together create an unhappy child, one who does not achieve, struggles and more — then we recommend assessment.
Let us emphasize: even if, by chance, there is a recommendation for medication, that is one line out of a comprehensive assessment. So even if I refuse it, there is still in the assessment a wealth of data that can improve something for the child, by serving as a lighthouse for us adults.
To that parent who insists on not doing an assessment, I say: this is cruelty toward your dear son.
It means continuing not to understand him and letting him suffer quietly, again and again, instead of being able to help him. Please, try to change your approach. You will gain only nachas from it.
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B'hatzlacha!
The writer, Rabbi Asher Gruzman, is a rav and veteran educator at Talmud Torah "Razi-Li" in Bnei Brak.
